Tag Archives: internal dialogue

:)

26 May

Something overcame me last night, a moment of weakness, and I watched a film that seemed…just kinda angry. Well, not the film but the characters. It was funny, honest, sad and quirky but definitely like watching a war of the classes in a microcosm. I fell asleep halfway through and finished watching it this morning. Then I received a rather unpleasant text, kinda angry…just like the movie. What a downer…

These days I am a decently happy person. I’m pretty even keeled, some would call me mellow and although I am told I’m a difficult read, I’m standing somewhere on the more happy half of the emotional scale most of the time. But I remember the first time I realized I was an unhappy person. Not angry, just an angsty teen, turned hermity college student, turned workaholic LA resident. There was a point, I honestly can’t remember when, either way it was was several years ago, at which I became more happy and therefore noticed more often when I was in fact unhappy. The juxtaposition of existing resentfully and living joyously, even if only for moments few and far between was enlightening and I’ve been mostly-effortlessly evolving into a more happy person ever since. I look back on that moment and I am grateful.

So after finishing the movie and receiving that text I first decided that today’s movie would be something more optimistic, The Future We Will Create: Inside the World of TED, which has been in my Netflix queue for a while. Second, choosing to stew in my totally freakin doneness with the whole situation for 10 minutes, I punched out a few paragraphs on my laptop to vent and simply ignored the text.

 All the while I’m having an internal dialogue with my Higher Self:

“My communication is the response I get. The text topic is relevant and actionable but the tone has nothing to do with me. Nothing happening in this moment has anything to do with this moment but is past experiences being projected onto this moment. But each and every moment is a new moment and there is an infinite number of possibilities for how I can respond, what I can say and the actions I can take. With all these things in mind what will I choose to do next?”

It reminded me to simply be more nice, more often. There is a moment in every situation, whether it be talks between nations, in businesses interactions or between family members, where communications can either stay negotiable or can jump to a more emotional, tense interaction or totally fall apart and become hostile. There is always a decision made on the part of an individual, group or between groups that takes it to that next level, good or bad.

What if I chose to respond in the same tone I was approached with? The possibilities and ridiculousness of it all actually makes me giddy to think about. To be so intensely conscious of myself and my thoughts in that moment I imagined myself and that relationship after a negative response…it didn’t look good even though I would have felt vindicated. Then I turning the channel, so to speak, and in living out the higher choice decided to take action and correct the issue, half of which had nothing to do with me and just not respond to the text. I’ve been all smiles ever since. And the great thing about it is that it IS a choice and all choices have a chain reaction. After this choice I reacted to 3 other communications this morning that had the potential to become negative or tense or difficult and just decided to be nice, generous and grateful. And hopefully those positive interactions will multiply.

I look back on the last week and I’ve had these “higher choice” moments a few times but was unconscious that I was doing it. Which means that I am integrating it. And that makes me happy…

There are an infinite number of possibilities of what you can do today, what you can say and how you can say it. And whatever you do will cause a chain reaction that will affect this planet more that you know. What choices will you make?

-Half-Price

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What Sustains Me

7 Apr

The food, water, electricity and shelter that keeps me alive I don’t contribute to at all. I am so disconnected from my own sustainability. I turn on the faucet and there’s water. I plug something in and there’s electricity. I go to the store and buy food. If I leave the faucet and lights on and leave for a week they’ll still be on when I get back. I don’t have to worry about running out. That bothers me.

These are not the fruits of my labor but the labor of others. I want to know what it takes to power a light bulb for a day. I know how electricity works, I could draw you a diagram and I understand it intellectually. But what about harnessing the power to make those light bulbs burn? Is it something I can create by myself? Why (over)pay a company that puts money in the pockets of people I’ve never met to do all these things? Each hour enough sunlight hits the earth to power the world for year. When you get outside of our seriously polluted ozone and study the sun itself it radiates more energy every second than has been consumed by the entire world since the beginning of time. Wnd we use almost none of it. why?

Solar panels use to be super expensive. They still are but nothing like they use to be. If one is willing to make panels themselves  (and that a BIG if for most people) and consumes very little energy  (another BIG if) you can generate all your own power from DIY panels and a well regulated battery system. My first project in self-sustainability solar power wise will be to research and make a mini solar panel to run my laptop off of and go to the beach to work for a day to test it out. You can buy solar laptop bags or a mini panel specifically for this purpose but that kinda takes all the fun out of it.

In terms of food…I’ll stick to buying it all for now. Making solar panels seems so much easier to me than remembering to water a plant everyday and put it in the right sunlight. Trust me…I’ve killed many a green thing. But I may put in some hours at a community garden. That way I know my efforts wont be in vain.

The same for the home I live in. I designed my first complete home at age 11. A simple 7th grade school project turned into complete blueprints drawn to scale of a 4K sq ft home complete with 2 self-contained units, one on either end for both my parents complete with their own independent entrance, full kitchen, elevator. The blueprints also included a glass-enclosed atrium off the back with a mechanical roof that opened up and a winding river style pool that traveled between the plants and trees. A home that big in Hollywood would be easily priced at 8 figures. Only in recent years have I rekindled my love for designing homes but they’ve been minimalist in design, have contemporary finishes, use recycled and sustainable materials.

I figure building a tiny house would be a fun challenge that would actually make a profound impact on my finances. The trick is in the design since it’s such a small space you do have to plan carefully…and I’m great at planning.

Okay enough with the talk. Some of these are easy to put into practice, others will take time, here are the changes I am implementing TODAY.

You can’t take it with you: stuff and other clutter.

7 Apr

A few posts ago I mentioned having a very long solo therapy session…I suppose you could say I was NLPing myself (don’t laugh), getting to the root of some of these new ideas evolving in my consciousness lately. What they mean to me, why they matter now and how I’m planning on implementing them in my life. I feel like if I don’t put some of this into practice I might explode. I started looking at all the excess in my life and thinking….I can do with so much less…and would be better off for it either because of money or just to free up space in my brain and my bedroom.

I met back up with some NLP classmates a few days ago for dinner and we got on the topic of ‘stuff’. One friend had basically moved into a friends place several months ago with the clothes on her back and her car. She just now realized that she turned into a gypsy overnight completely by accident and was totally cool with it.

Stuff (noun): a group or scattering of miscellaneous objects or articles, unspecified material (these definitions were not at the top of the list but they hit the nail on the head)

Personally, I have all this ‘stuff’ and it’s driving me nuts. I have boxes in my closet that I moved to LA with. Literally the same boxes that I shipped from Pittsburgh to a storage unit in Gardena…they still have the shipping labels on them. And about once every year I think “hey what ever happened to that thing…oh it’s in the box next to the other thing”. I spend an hour figuring out which box to open, open it, retrieve what I need, close it up, put it back in the closet…and there is sits for another 12 months collecting dust.

I think sometimes the stuff we have really holds us back. That certainly holds true for me. I’m gonna get a bit out there and I hope you all don’t mind. Everything is energy, literally. All my old stuff holds energy from when I actually use to use it. For better or for worse it’s simply not a part of this current version of me and having those things around doesn’t help in my personal evolution. And if not the energy itself effecting me just knowing that it’s there occupies some amount of brain power on a regular basis. I don’t know about you but I don’t have a ton of brain capacity to spare. I’m running on overdrive in my head a lot these days.

There is a path between my door and my bed that I almost never deviate from. I go right once a day to get clothes out of my closet, and go left to my top drawer only for socks and skivvies. I have a queen sized bed, half of which acts as my laptop and paperwork…’holding spot’. *sigh* Okay, lets get real. My closet is storage, my desk is a catch all and the other half of the bed is covered in books, paperwork and whatever I was too uncomfortable to continue to wear all last night. And this is when my room is clean! I’m actually very organized but I simply have too much stuff. I have 2 jars FILLED with writing utensils yet I can never find anything that I WANT to write with. (Odd example but go with me here. After all, most things are a microcosm of the larger picture.) This is both wasteful and petty. I’m gonna start using every pen/pencil/dry erase marker/highlighter/sharpie I have until they run all the way down or run out. seriously I feel like this alone will make me feel better. I NEVER walk around the other side of my bed. its literally an entire half of my room that I never set foot on. it gets vacuumed only to make both sides of the carpet look the same…ridiculous.

but I digress. let me get to the point because I do have one.

I require very little to be happy.

  • Limited use of my current belongings: Other than my laptop and accessories there is NOTHING that I use daily. My dry erase board and my oven/stove I use almost daily. There are 10 shelves of books filled with college textbooks I thought might become relevant again, empty DVD cases that I put up to look cool I guess (the actual disks are in a huge album in the ugly or oversized portion of my shelf), film books that are just a reminder of how unattached I am to the industry at this point, old journals that I should fill before buying new ones. I own clothes that still have tags on them (from grandma’s who didn’t grasp the narrowness of my preferred wardrobe until very recently), other clothes that are too big for me (left over from my baggy is cool phase),
  • Limited use of my currently oversized living space: I already touched on this and will downsize my stuff before looking for a smaller place.
  • My unattached lifestyle: I’m a single, virtual professional with no dependents, no pets and no extraneous vehicles.

Making a smaller footprint on the Planet.

  • Use less natural resources: I think a really funny thing happens when all the water you have at your disposal lives in a 15 gallon tank under your house. “Conservation consciousness” wraps it up pretty well and something to expound upon in a future post.
  • Create less trash: This actually starts at the purchasing phase. Buying at the farmers market instead of the grocery story, buying cereal, nuts, grain, everything in bulk cloth bags instead of in traditional packaging, and the easiest of them all that I constantly forget…reusable grocery bags. All this helps reduce our trash output dramatically.

Less expensive living.

  • Minimized utilities – this is worthy of its own post so I’ll hold off.
  • Live rent/mortgage free – I’ve always found paying someone else’s mortgage wasteful. With rent inflated as it is it’s almost the same as paying your own mortgage. Obviously without all the homeowner responsibilities but you don’t get any of the benefits either.

PRIDE

  • I want to build the home I live in and work for what sustains me – Again this is another post entirely (hence the cont’d below) but I really feel strongly about being connected with the home I live in, the food I eat, and the energy I use. Right now I’m not and a void is starting to open. If I were the one responsible for sustaining myself instead of shopping for it in the grocery aisle, so to speak, I think I would look at my life a lot differently.

cont’d in WHAT SUSTAINS ME

Passion: where can I get some of what you’ve got…

31 Mar

Two nights ago, I attended an event where my NLP instructor was speaking. Sometimes I need a refresher and it’s good to see my peeps. Afterward I spoke with a classmate, now friend, about her dwindling client base. She’s a physical trainer with an amazing physique and super outgoing personality. I’ve seen her in action so in my mind there is no doubt that she could have as many clients as she wanted. After talking for a few minutes she basically said her heart just wasn’t in it.

The next morning I was, for some unknown reason, thinking about my old job at the marketing firm. The office manager was surprised about my resignation and has asked me why many times since. Truly that list was very long and what I’m realizing is that new reasons have continued to come to my attention over the last 3 months since I left. The farther I get from the situation and the more I evolve in my own life philosophy, the more I see things I didn’t see before. A loss of passion for instance.

What I AM finding myself increasingly more passionate about however is this planet and the role I play in making it a better (or worse) place than I found it. I spent a LOT of time yestarday (probably 3+ hrs) having an internal dialogue about why I’m moving in the direction of more sustainable living. I use to do this when I had to think of log lines or a good synopses for a movie I was working on, or was practicing for a presentation, or formulating an elevator pitch for my business or that of a client. Going through as if you were being interviewed or having to explain something to someone who has no clue yields quite different results. It also reveals to me which are good reasons and which are superficial excuses.

For example, why I want to move: I pay half the rent & utilities but only use 30-40%  of the space (I never touch the living room) and dont care if I’m a bit chilly or sweaty so we would use less in utilities if it were up to me. This is a legitimate reason. I dont like other humans in my space 24/7 unless were dating, my landlord is incompitent and refuses to replace anything broken and I cant invite people over because this place is 40 years out of date and im embarrassed. These are all true yet not the most legitimate of reasons.

I really wanted to get to the bottom of it all…I examined my behavior, my preferences, phobias and vanities, tried my best to wade through my own bullshit, focus on my beliefs, what I could do without…it was quite enlightening and the results were great. Anyway, I’ll dive into it in my next post but before I go…one more word on passion.

I rejoined an old online dating/friending site this week and one of the compatibility questions caught my eye while I was sizing up a potential date.

Which makes for a better relationship? Passion or Dedication.

My answer was Dedication.  Most people my age opt for the prior but the site leaves a section where you can add an explanation if you are feeling like you need to make excuses for yourself…so I did.

“I believe in both/and, not either/or. That being said I think dedication can get you through the times where you lack passion more than passion can get you through times you lack dedication. You dig?”

After these last few days, feeling so passionate about some things, I’m seriously reexamining my answer. It’s certainly something to ponder.